today was shit. the last week or so has been as well. i have been about as positive as i can. truth is, i'm scared out of my mind. i know its temporary, and i know i'll feel back to myself in time. however, for now, i am losing my mind. i am out of control. i am ever grateful for the love from those surrounding me. its something that doesn't get old to hear. and today was no different. i wanna know how some people just know when to call... its magical.

and speaking of, even after they tell me i need to stay home from work for a week. after they tell me i'll be back at the hospital for the next few days. and even after the cat scan, and the troubling worrisome faces on both my father and the doctor, i still managed to steal a beautiful moment. riding in my dad's car, breezing down the interstate, windows down, hair blowing every where, it took me back to when i was a kid. i loved every moment of it. if i could stay right there in that moment, i would. if only i could make all this go away.