how ya like my new little pic?? well, its not me, i'm not sure how old it is, but i can totally relate. so, i had a variety of random thoughts today. sometimes, they just flood in and out of my head and i just focus on a few things that tend to stand out. first, i would like to take this opportunity to say how much i really love my iphone. i downloaded the pandora radio app, and HOT DAMN!! i love it. i listened to the beastie boy station today at the gym. they play all kinds of tunes that are exactly what i like when i'm working out. of course, during my stretches at the end of the work out, i put on the ambient grooves. yea, i said it. anyways, its a fun little toy and i'm really lovin' it.

the other day, i went to the grocery store, thankfully this visit was fart free. i've started doing most of my food shopping at whole foods, since i try to eat mostly organic healthy things, its makes sense. also, they have tons of dairy free yummies. so, i totally got sucker punched by that brand alexis. they make all kinds of frozen treasures, and i'm sure they never turn out a bad product, however i'd like to complain about some false advertising. i grabbed a bag, and i was so excited to see what was inside, cause on the outside, it said 'potato nuggets'. i'm thinking, fuck yeah. but alas, they are just tater tots. gimme a break.





i'd like to take a moment to comment on thanksgiving. first, i don't like turkey, won't eat it and frankly don't really see the draw to it. however, thanksgiving is by far one of my favorite holidays, and here's why.... first of all, you are sitting around a table, eating your weight in home made goodness. mashed potatoes, stuffing, veggie casseroles, warm bread, cranberry sauce, mac and cheese, etc, etc. so, here's what i don't get, why do people claim they 'survived' thanksgiving. in my opinion, all you have to do is show up, eat then take a nap. if you seriously think that this is a holiday in which survival is a pressing issue, you are doing it wrong. my thanksgiving was fucking amazing. i mean, i walked in, was handed a glass with vodka and a splash of soda, and then sat down, told jokes, dirty ones too, talked about music and make out sessions with an 18 year old, ate, then ate some more, and then went home and passed the fuck out. FUCKING FABULOUS.

the only down side to this otherwise perfect day, was my poor dad. even though all he could do was sit there, due to the pain and spasms all over his body, i'm sure he partied as well. i mean, i did get him two huge plates of food, and i'm pretty sure he was loaded up on pain meds... i suppose seeing him wince in pain from time to time was pretty rotten. and also the fact that his sexy car is completely totaled. but i have to say the saddest thing was him showing up in a kia.




so, my weekend was also pretty epic. my neighbor and i decided, during a drunken stupor to upgrade our status, and i'm not talking about facebook, myspace or any other distraction. i mean, he and are a legitimized couple. woo hoo!! that boy done put a spell on me, and i'm all googly eyed and tongue tied. and of course, i love every minute of it! team awesome.

so, as i sit here in my fancy new bra, surrounded by tokens of affection from from my new squeeze, i can't help but think about getting old. the last thing i want to do is get old. and i mean, i'm ok with getting older, and looking fantastic well into my 60's, but i'm talking about after that. the other day i went to publix to do some shopping. i simply refuse to buy certain things from whole foods. so, i'm walking down the isles, and i start to notice i'm the only person in the store under the age of 60. i'm serious. i'm thinking maybe the geriatric bus is parked out back. moving on, i'm moving down the isle, and i'm over by the canned tomatoes, which i'm going to have a negative association with for the rest of my life. anyways, i'm blocked by a cart in the middle of the lane, and a sweet looking little old lady trying desperately to read the can, she's wearing glasses. i say gently, excuse me miss. and she turns to look the other way. i say excuse me again, and she spots me, and all of a sudden, she jerks a little, i must have scared her, because what happened next was incredible. she farted. she then said, i can't read this, what does the can say? i tell her its tomatoes with jalapenos, and i'm thinking this is clearly not what she needs, so i ask what she's looking for. she says ok, thanks, i can't really see the can. i'm thinking, she needs her ears checked too. i'm just not sure how i feel about public farting. i don't care how old you are. i'm sure she didn't even hear it. and yes, i know, maybe she can't control it. but when does your total loss of self preservation deteriorate?? i mean, i don't want to be 80 walking around in sweats, with greasy hair farting on people! its just not right.



the other day, i went bra shopping, which can either be fun or very disappointing. i picked out a few really nice ones, and headed into the dressing room. as i'm trying them on, i realize that i may have grabbed the wrong size. in fact, by the second one, i am quite aware of the reality of the situation. and at that very moment, i get a text from my mother. as i send the bras out to the very sweet and overly helpful sales lady, to exchange for a different, smaller size, i text my mother the wonderful news. i am a full cup smaller than i thought i was. her response? 'i'm sorry'. which is actually pretty funny. you see, the women in my family have huge, i mean, HUGE, breasts. i however, have my father's. on the bright side, i will never sag, stretch or flop. my little troopers with sit at attention for as long a time goes on. even when i'm a farting little old lady, my tits will be perky. amen.


and at the end of the day, i have a wonderful man in my life. two actually. i am so grateful that my father is truly one of my best friends. he was in a pretty nasty car accident the other day. his car was totaled. he managed to walk away from it with some minor injuries, however, he's pretty hurt. the wreck was bad, and he would've been killed. he's going to be fine, he just has severe muscle spasms, and its incredibly painful for him. every little move he makes is painful. its heartbreaking, but he'll be ok.

my other man, is someone that i've known for quite sometime. i often wonder how the universe works, and whether or not there is a purpose, but now i think i get it. timing is everything. it really is. and this time, is amazing. everyday is really unique and so special. there is something very organic about this, and i can't quite explain it, but its bigger than me, and its incredible. i'm falling head over heels, and for once, i'm not afraid.

i love my job.

of all the silly things i've ever done, and there are many, i can honestly say that the following is in the top spot. so, one fine evening, a friday i believe, i was sitting around my little home sharing a beer with a handsome friend. my said friend was curious about the contents of my bag, specifically my epi pen. are you familiar?? its a shot that someone with allergies 'should' carry around with them in the off chance they have a horrible allergic reaction and needs a quick shot of adrenaline to take the symptoms down a notch. so, onward, i decided that maybe this would be a great time for a little show and tell tutorial on the how to's of the said epi pen. i mean, i already gave a demo to my coworkers, just in case, and since me and this handsome fellow seem to be spending a lot of time together, he should know how too...

so, i scurry over to my closet and grab the sample pen. this one contains no needle and no meds. its simply for 'practice'. so i explain how you remove the top, push the gray button, and... and this is where my friend asks the ironic question of the night. ''is there a needle, cause i can't stand needles?!" so i said, no of course not, then just jam it into my thigh like this...

and with all my strength, i did just so. and wouldn't you know it, i fucking grabbed the wrong one. i had just administered a dose of adrenaline into my leg. so i pull the needle out, dripping with medicine, and i begin to freak out. hands trembling, heart racing, friend panicking. we googled what to do in the case of an accidental dose. turns out it happens often. i no longer stand alone.

so anyways, the moral of the story is, don't be a jack ass.

happy halloween