two nights ago was the first time Frankie came to me in my dreams. i imagine with his birthday looming, I've been thinking about him a little extra, if that's possible...

it was him, but wasn't, ya know what i mean? so, my mom calls me to tell me that she had to drop Frankie off at my house, but that nobody was there, so she just left him on the front porch. so somehow, i get home, or am home its all a bit fuzzy, but he's not there. (so poetic) so, i find myself running down Princeton, which is the street i live on, and I'm really hauling ass to find him. suddenly i see him in the middle of the road, near a pretty major intersection. he's just standing there in his what i like to call 'show dog stance'. from a distance i know its him, i can feel that it is. when i get closer, it looks more like Charley, Corinne's dog, who tragically passed just few months before Frankie. its sorta like in the a-ha video where it bounces between black and white and color, only from Frankie to Charley. its totally bizarre. so, now I'm running towards him, screaming his name at the top of my lungs, when i finally get to him, its the whole Frankie/Charley thing happening rapidly, until i grab him with my arms, I'm down on my knees, just holding him close to me, as hard as i can and for a split second, it felt so good, and then it was Charley again. when i looked at him one last time it was Frankie. and then out of nowhere, our bedroom light flipped on. this really happened. i woke up Matt and asked what the fuck just happened. he tells me that the neighbor, in the NEXT HOUSE has the same remote controlled fan/light as we do, and it sometimes happens. that it in fact used to happen all the time, but hasn't in quite sometime.

of course, I'll take it as a sign, from Frankie, Charley or the universe. i went to bed last night feeling worried about Frankie. that feeling of i hope he's ok. i just keep having it, and have for weeks. i keep wondering if he's alright. so, I'm not sure if I'm getting better, cause i don't think I've accepted his passing. i know he's gone, but i just still feel him. he's my heart. always will be.