last night, i put on my most beautiful party dress. head to toe rhinestones and sequin, in silver and black, with tassels of beads hanging of the shoulder pads. i curled and teased my hair until it was the perfect height, it was glamorous. and then i headed downstairs the slowly spiralling staircase, where i was the host of the party. i started talking to betty white, who was wearing the same dress as me, that bitch, and she noticed that i had some broccoli in my teeth. oops. behind me the party was raging, you see it was a porn party, where there were demos, and games, and instructional classes. i think jenna jameson was there too. i found myself deep in conversation with betty, on the latest sex moves that all the crazy kids were into these days. and then i woke up.