Tuesday, November 24, 2009

so, as i sit here in my fancy new bra, surrounded by tokens of affection from from my new squeeze, i can't help but think about getting old. the last thing i want to do is get old. and i mean, i'm ok with getting older, and looking fantastic well into my 60's, but i'm talking about after that. the other day i went to publix to do some shopping. i simply refuse to buy certain things from whole foods. so, i'm walking down the isles, and i start to notice i'm the only person in the store under the age of 60. i'm serious. i'm thinking maybe the geriatric bus is parked out back. moving on, i'm moving down the isle, and i'm over by the canned tomatoes, which i'm going to have a negative association with for the rest of my life. anyways, i'm blocked by a cart in the middle of the lane, and a sweet looking little old lady trying desperately to read the can, she's wearing glasses. i say gently, excuse me miss. and she turns to look the other way. i say excuse me again, and she spots me, and all of a sudden, she jerks a little, i must have scared her, because what happened next was incredible. she farted. she then said, i can't read this, what does the can say? i tell her its tomatoes with jalapenos, and i'm thinking this is clearly not what she needs, so i ask what she's looking for. she says ok, thanks, i can't really see the can. i'm thinking, she needs her ears checked too. i'm just not sure how i feel about public farting. i don't care how old you are. i'm sure she didn't even hear it. and yes, i know, maybe she can't control it. but when does your total loss of self preservation deteriorate?? i mean, i don't want to be 80 walking around in sweats, with greasy hair farting on people! its just not right.

the other day, i went bra shopping, which can either be fun or very disappointing. i picked out a few really nice ones, and headed into the dressing room. as i'm trying them on, i realize that i may have grabbed the wrong size. in fact, by the second one, i am quite aware of the reality of the situation. and at that very moment, i get a text from my mother. as i send the bras out to the very sweet and overly helpful sales lady, to exchange for a different, smaller size, i text my mother the wonderful news. i am a full cup smaller than i thought i was. her response? 'i'm sorry'. which is actually pretty funny. you see, the women in my family have huge, i mean, HUGE, breasts. i however, have my father's. on the bright side, i will never sag, stretch or flop. my little troopers with sit at attention for as long a time goes on. even when i'm a farting little old lady, my tits will be perky. amen.

and at the end of the day, i have a wonderful man in my life. two actually. i am so grateful that my father is truly one of my best friends. he was in a pretty nasty car accident the other day. his car was totaled. he managed to walk away from it with some minor injuries, however, he's pretty hurt. the wreck was bad, and he would've been killed. he's going to be fine, he just has severe muscle spasms, and its incredibly painful for him. every little move he makes is painful. its heartbreaking, but he'll be ok.

my other man, is someone that i've known for quite sometime. i often wonder how the universe works, and whether or not there is a purpose, but now i think i get it. timing is everything. it really is. and this time, is amazing. everyday is really unique and so special. there is something very organic about this, and i can't quite explain it, but its bigger than me, and its incredible. i'm falling head over heels, and for once, i'm not afraid.


  1. i'm glad your silver fox is ok. With that said, I doubt you will ever be that old lady farting in Publix...maybe Winn Dixie, but not Publix, ha! Furthermore, I don't know where I got my huge knockers from?? If anything, my Bf's sister who is the manager at VS measured me...yup thats right, my BF's sister measured my tits. The outcome is, I'm a cup larger than what i'm wearing...needless to say, i yelped! 30 years later, they are staying put...lets hope it stays that way

  2. oh noooooo! i didnt hear about your dad. glad he's OK. !

    LOL about the old lady in the grocery store. nice photo, too. ;)


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