Sunday, April 28, 2013

met someone the other night, and i don't say this often, this person was completely full of shit. i am the type of person who gives everyone a chance. i don't care who you are, where you come from, or anything like that. just be real. be honest and please, pretty please, don't be full of shit. i have never in my life been so uncomfortable, listening to stories that weren't his to tell, embellishments that had no one fooled, details that seemed just a little out of reach. now, before i appear as a terrible bitch, i do feel bad for this guy. i mean, clearly you're fighting a demon that is in all of us, and some of us bullshit, while others remain silent. i personally opt for the latter. and while my compassion runs deep, and i tend to feel the weight of the world at times, and i too also feel it is unbearable, i don't get this type of behaviour. its toxic, and transparent and i just can't. i suppose the things we tend to dislike in others is usually the things we actually dislike about ourselves. so maybe i saw a little bit of me in him. and i hated it. i think i've been in his shoes, and perhaps i tend to walk a few strides in them as well. we have to try to be better than that. we have to be honest. i have to be honest. there is a part of me that would love to run away and find solitude. every time i go back there, i realize how much we do need each other, even if its hard to bare. we are all in this together. though at times i want to face it alone. i find comfort in those days of solitude. i turn so inward that i can't get out. that i have to just push anyone who is still around me away. i just burrow deeper within, and just hold on to it.  the darkness in all of us runs deep, and its a sad place, with reminders of the things we wanted, the things we lost and those things that keep bringing us back there. its a struggle that we all must face, and i don't envy those who build up these bullshit walls to keep themselves from facing their own darkness. it will come one day, and it will hurt, but it will also pass.

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