Saturday, April 4, 2009

hello. welcome to my world. let me clue you in, just in case you just got here. today is the first day of my weekend. i haven't slept in about five days. my throat feels like i'm swallowing razor blades. my ears are starting to feel fuzzy and i am pretty sure i have a bad attitude. any questions so far?

after work today i went to the minute clinic. i do not advise doing this. i met a young girl there named michelle. she was young, and i think tried to connect with me by telling me how she was 'being real' with me. by not doing a throat culture. she also informed me that i don't have an ear infection yet. she seems to think this is all allergies, but it could be a virus. and i just paid 62 dollars for this little nugget of wisdom? thanks michelle. thanks for keeping it 'real'.

i want to cry. i'm so tired. i haven't slept. i even took a xanax, and i won. i woke up at 3, sure it would be later, but alas no. i mean, are fucking kidding me? i took xanax! when i yawn, it hurts my throat. when i lay down i get restless. i want to sleep, but i really want to get a good night's worth. what the hell is keeping me up? i refuse to believe its all simply stress!!

even frankie is broken out in a rash. poor little guy. i switched his food. he now eats better than i do. he's on an all organic diet. i am not. i'm considering ordering pizza at this very moment. something dripping in grease that would make me hate myself later.

i was driving in my car today and i saw a fender bender pulled off to the side of the road. despite the many people that might have been hurt, there was a horse trailer and a horse being looked at. as i cruised by at about 2 miles an hour, all i could think is, 'that horse better not be hurt.' as i sit here on my couch, watching yet another csi marathon, i saw that damn commercial for the aspca. i wanted to cry. i will send money. i promise

i can't help but think, am i doing this wrong? did i live the wrong life? my sleep deprivation, and new found insomnia has me in a bit of a spin. i'm starting to question my life and how i've chose to live. did i fuck up?

on a side note, i'm nesting again. i need a rug. i'm searching high and low. i've also decided to do some art project. maybe even take an art class. starting to think i want a craft table. something big and made of wood with some history to it. i'm changing and redesigning my life. its a good thing. like a metamorphosis. i'm going to change my hair. its been a while. i think its time. i think this is the time of my life where i take a deeper look. this is the part where i get real honest with myself and ask those questions, and actually find those answers. its time. and i think its good.

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